Dear Yoga, I Miss You!

I moved to Denver August 20th and have not been able to make it to a class yet.  I have done a little at home yoga, but I lack the motivation.  Doing yoga in your kitchen with Bikram talking at you from your computer on the stove is not quite the same.

I miss everything there is about Bikram Yoga Andersonville.  I miss the people, the bike ride there, the stairs, the hot smelly room, the camaraderie of my classmates, the sun coming in the windows, the teachers and their nuances, and the combination of exhaustion followed by a wave of energy that hits me after a good class...

I haven't been able to sign up at Bikram Yoga Mile High because I don't have a job yet and therefore no income.  I emailed them last week asking about the possibility of a work study and I haven't heard back. I even looked into taking classes at Core Power.  They have a free week of classes to all first timers.  I looked over their schedules and they don't even offer  Bikram style class every day and some of the days they do I can't make it to.  I get an overall weird feeling about Core Power as it is so I haven't ventured that way yet.  Also, I'm scared to try other types of yoga.  I know Bikram Yoga and I know what my wrist can handle.  I'm scared to go to a new place with new teachers and try a new kind of yoga.  Even if I get offered a job tomorrow, which is a high possibility, I won't be able to get back to classes for probably another month.

I clearly don't want any of the available options to get my yoga fix!  But, fussing gets me nothing...

Yoga in the Sky

I've been inconsistent about getting to class but I feel alright about it.  I go when I want to go and I've been wanting to go more than I did before.  There have been some situational things that have prevented me from going to class as much as I'd like such as migraines, staying up too late so I don't make it to class before work and then having plans for after, oh, and that trip to Denver I just took...

I will be moving to Denver in mid-August!  I have decided to study holistic nutrition and there is a school there that I really think I'll like.  I just flew there, made friends, learned my way around, visited the school, found an apartment, got a tattoo and, of course, did yoga.  I only got to go once because I needed to acclimate to the elevation and only brought one outfit with me.

I have never done yoga at any other studio.  I only know BYA and I trust the teachers because they've proven their knowledge and insight over the last eight months.  I was scared to go to a new studio with teachers I'd never met and a room I'd never been in!  I read Bikram Yoga Mile High's website and prepared myself for some of the differences.  Everyone was very kind and welcoming, from the teacher when I walked in to the classmates in the hallway and locker room, but they weren't my yoga buddies and I got a wash of homesickness at the end of class.  Even though they do things differently, and yes I could make a list, I will be going back and not just because it's the only Bikram studio in Denver.  (There are other places that offer Bikram classes but I'd feel better going to a studio where I know that all the teachers primarily study and teach Bikram Yoga and have contact with other teachers.  I'm willing to check out other places that teach it, but I'll be pretty skeptical.)

I flew in Friday night and waited until Sunday to go to class.  I didn't feel quite up for it on Saturday and I'm glad I waited.  I had a few moments of low blood pressure where I started feeling funky and my vision started fading.  I haven't been having problems with that in Chicago lately, so I was pretty sure it was the altitude.  It happened at predictable times for me and I just took a step back, slowed down, and breathed.  I'd also been doing some risky eating (in the form of gluten cross contamination, see my other blog) and that could have played a part in my absorption of iron and therefore my blood oxygen levels as well as my sore muscles.  Overall the class went well.  I was able to focus despite my trepidation, constantly running mind, and new distractions.  I wanted to represent myself and my teachers and I think I did a good job of that.  When a difference in teaching came up I focused on remembering what I have been taught and not judging the teacher or their training.  This sometimes just meant doing my best to prevent disapproval from flashing across my face...  (Honestly, there is  nothing wrong with how they teach, it's just different than what has been drilled into me as best practices for the past eight months.  BYAs head teacher isn't nicknamed Little Sergeant for nothing!)

I will get used to the changes.  I will get used to the changes.  I will get used to the changes.

And my teachers and buddies are only an email away!

Sigh

I so needed that class. It's been a long week at work and I've been fighting an eye infection and dealing with the side effects of the antibiotics. I kept meaning to go in the morning before work but my body needed a ton of sleep. I hadn't been since Sunday. Tomorrow I go to the chiropractor, to work for 3 1/2 hours, and then to yoga. I hope. My body had some issues in class but I pushed through it. My mind had lots of things to think about but I didn't fight it. I had moments of clear focus but at other times my body was just on autdo-pilot, following the sound of the teacher's voice. I feel good about class because I was there, I worked hard, and I smiled just a little bit. I didn't feel like utter crap after. I listened to my body and backed off when I needed to. Why am I still awake? Goodnight.

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Oops!

I accidently clicked on the tab to open my blog.  I meant to open freecycle.org.  Oh well, that just means I should write a quick post!  I have been needing class by the time I get there.  I've had some very emotional classes but also very focused.  I don't get to go today because I am working 12 hours, but I should be able to go tomorrow.  I slipped on sweat in the locker room last night after class and hurt my left foot a little.  It might be a minor sprain, but so far I'm taking arnica orally as well as rubbing an arnica gel on the area that hurts.  It feels better than last night but I'll see how it is at the end of my long day!  I'm also dealing with an eye infection.  I had to go see a doctor and everything.  My eyes are one of those things I don't mess with.  I will let my body fight off anything else on its own, but not when it's in my eyes!  I got prescription eye goop on Friday and didn't go to yoga to spare my classmates and teachers.  I went Saturday and Sunday since I'd been on the antibiotic for at least a day.  Using my eye gaze in class has left me with some sore eye muscles, but I think it's helping me get better.  I feel like crap in general, always tired and feeling worn out.  Who would have thought that an eye infection would make me feel sick!?  Ugh.  I used to get them every couple of years as a kid, but this is my first one in probably 10 years.  The kids I nanny were sick last week, so I'm sure that this is from them combined with rubbing my eyes.  I've had a lot of eyelashes fall out lately and then they'd get stuck and I'd rub my eyes.  In other news, I gave away my old pink 1991 Caliente Schwin last night through freecycle.  I haven't ridden it since I hurt my wrist but I was very sad to see it go.  Her name was Pinky Tuscadero.  In yoga pose news, I've been working really hard on Standing Bow for quite a while now and keep figuring out or being told little things that make it better and stronger and help me hold it longer.  I'm feeling some sort of pride when I have a really good one, and I'm not sure what to think about all that.  Also, I'm reading Stretch by Neal Pollack to help lighten my mood.  It's hilarious, I highly recommend it!

Happy Medium

For about a month after my challenge ended (I got to 107 classes in 107 days) I struggled to go to class.  I struggled with myself in class.  I often did not want to go, whether it was because of physical complaints, my work schedule, or energy level, and when I make myself, I did not want to be there.

I think I am finding my Happy Medium.  I do not make myself go to class if I do not want to but I aim for at least two days in a row and allow myself one day off.  I mark and X or a star on my wall calendar to keep track of my classes.  I am not hard on myself when I do not make it to class which makes it easier to be there on the days I do go.

My practice has changed quite a lot and my body is readjusting to getting back on track.  The season changes were surprisingly difficult for my body to adjust to.  I've been having an exceptional amount of migraines and my wrist is not enjoying the pressure changes either.

My knee started hurting again, and a lot more intensely than before, a week ago.  My chiropractor adjusted it as well as my back and thinks it is mostly caused by kneeling a lot.  I have always kneeled down onto my right knee, since back in my bookstore days, wearing a hole in the knee of my pants.  I kneel at work when cleaning up after, playing with, and bathing the babies.  I kneel in yoga.  I usually push with my right leg first on my bike pedal when starting off.  I'm trying to be more conscious with how I use my body, and my right leg in particular.

I'm working on changing my attitude about a lot of things including how I act when I walk into BYA.  I think it's important to let the teachers know what is going on with my body but it's also important to have an open and positive outlook on the class I am about to take.  After venting about work to my buddies in the locker room one night, I realized my attitude could be affecting my classmates and their practice as well as my own.  When someone asks me how I am, I always answer honestly, but now I am working on staying a little more upbeat.

Another thing I am working on, though it's not yoga related, is asking people questions.  I spew a ton about myself and then expect others to say anything they care to share.  I don't like pushing, but I also don't like the idea of people perceiving me as self-centered or uncaring, because I'm not.  I just figure that people will tell me what they want to just because I do.  This wasn't a conscious thing I was doing and now I am working to be aware of it and change how I act.  I want people to know that I really do care what they have to say, I care how they are doing and what is going on in their lives.  I'm not going to stop sharing so much of myself, but I am going to try to ask more questions from those around me.

Classes are finally starting to feel like they don't drag on and on, like they were for that month after my challenge.  I am trying to listen to my body and my heart to determine whether I need to go to class each day.  I am finding that fine line between my practice being stress inducing and stress relieving.  I also need to make sure that I maintain my weight.  I've been stable between 98 and 101.  I do not allow myself to stress over the numbers on the scale, but I do monitor it every week or so to make sure I am staying stable.

I don't know how often I will write in  here, but I obviously had a lot to say tonight!  I know people read this, and I still would really love comments, questions and feedback.

Thanks for reading!

Day 127

Well, it would be if I weren't seven (I think) days behind. I'm okay with being off my count but I'd like to get to the bottom of why I've been resisting class. I did end up going to class today because dinner was canceled. It felt good to be there even though it was hard on my body. My back and neck do not like it when I miss classes and my wrist is still hurting a lot in class. But I went, put in a lot of effort and had fun. During Eagle Pose, I lifted my left leg up so forcefully that it spun me around. This made me laugh. I had to sit out a few poses but I made sure to do at least one of every set. When I tried Full Locust Pose I felt nervous about bumping my wrist on the person next to me. I only feel this way when it already hurts. I feel pretty wiped out but that also has to do with work today. I'm planning on making it to class tomorrow but I'm not going to force myself if I feel resistent.

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Way Over Due

I've been having a hard time being consistent with classes since finishing my challenge. There are a myriad of reasons, or um, excuses, for this. I haven't been going to bed early enough to get up for the 9:30 class. I need my sleep and I don't function, especially in yoga, if I haven't had enough. I've had to work late a lot with my boss being out of town making it impossible to go to evening classes. I had to take a few days off for my hip. I was getting some serious sciatica after doing a double and the only thing for it was to rest. No matter how easy I took it in class, I'd be in excruciating pain after. Then there was the concussion and busted lip that I probably should have gone to the ER for. That was due to a bumping heads with a friend's dog. A friend's 15 pound schnauzer... That caused me to need even more sleep and to get dizzy in class. I also was emotionally off for a week or so, getting anxious, irritable and crying for no reason. I've had days I just didn't want to go to class, and didn't make myself because there were other things I'd rather do, like today. There have been days I've gotten to BYA and didn't want to be there, or got into class and just didn't want to be there. I'm fighting it. I'm fighting doing what I know is good for me and I'm paying for it. My wrist is still recovering from my FCE (a rigorous 4 hour test to determine my ability to do different work related tasks) and riding my bike, since moving my seat up to make my knee feel better, only agrivates it more. Two days ago I had the worst wrist pain I've ever had in class and I used that as my excuse not to go. But, I did use my free time to start looking at recumbent bikes, that will be much better for my wrist and allow me to enjoy riding again. So, I'm not going to class today, and tomorrow I have to work and then have dinner plans. I need to find my determination and motivation again. It's somewhere inside me.

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